+There is a store in the mall outside of town
+called Complainers
that sells these little cheap rubber toys
+that cry when squeezed, real, salty tears.
+Nobody knows how the tears come to be inside the toys,
+or how they keep generating the tears,
+and nobody really wants to ask.
+
+There's a vague idea going around that someone in south Asia +cried, hopefully while watching a sad movie, +hopefully not during any period of actual duress, +into the Complainer toys, though the regenerative nature of the tears +pokes holes in that theory. +
+There's another thought that there's witchcraft or something involved, +but everyone's decided that's altogether too silly to be seriously considered. +Everyone knows magic isn't real; +if anything, the company, which is a subsidiary of a tech giant, +has used the Complainers to test new and emerging teleportation technology +which transports the tears from the faces of whoever's crying them +into the toys in real time. +There are some strange hard knobs in the toys that lend credence +to the teleportation theory, +but no one can figure out why a company would demo a new technology +in this way. +
+Adding to the sense of intrigue and mystery surrounding the Complainers +is that none of the employees have ever been seen, +except for the eccentric General Manager, Rusty Waters, +who gives occasional press conferences that cannot help but call to mind +the opening factory scenes of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. +Of course, this has led to rampant speculation that there are Oompa-Loompas +or similar people working in the factories, +but of course, that theory can also be dismissed out of hand +under the same general ideas as can the theory about magic. +
+Of course, none of the theories mattered after +the Complainers started oozing acid instead of salty tears, +burning the hands, arms, bodies and faces of hundreds of thousands of +children, many of whom had begun sleeping with their Complainers +to have something to blame when they wet the bed. +The public was incensed by the health crisis, +and demanded the heads of the heads of the FDA, the company, +the company that owned the company, the countries where Complainers were made, +the countries where they were sold, and all the retail stores that carried +the now-caustic toys. +
+Of course, the governments and the Complainers company worked out a deal: +a fine was paid. +Promises were made. +Wrists were slapped. +The product was removed from shelves. +The world sighed a collective sigh of relief, +none quite so large as the managers of the company, +who'd never expected their prototypes to become as successful as they were, +and who now had a lucrative business manufacturing bootleg Complainers +to sell to the thriving collection market online. + +return diff --git a/index.html b/index.html index c133445..e6987c5 100644 --- a/index.html +++ b/index.html @@ -67,6 +67,7 @@