-- and then just flip that switch there. That's how you work the quantum 
communicator, Merideth. Why was it you were asking how to use it again?

No, Merideth, we cannot use it to wish the universe a merry Christmas.

Why not? Well first of all we're already getting transmissions all across time 
and space, so it's unlikely they even celebrate Christmas still.

Yes, I'm aware that Melchizedek and Excelsior already did it, but one of them 
looks to be dicking around with space plants that are bound to get them all 
killed and the other pissed off some death cult warriors because of a text 
message, so maybe they aren't the best role models? Besides, the General 
already strictly forbid us from using this again because we have no idea what 
unintended consequences it could have.

Oh God, why are you crying now? What, is telling the future ship captains, 
space cats, and who knows what else "Merry Christmas" that important to you?

Well I don't care how important it is, because it will be my head the General 
will be biting off if he finds out we sent out another unauthorized message 
using this thing.

Wait, Merideth, why is the microphone light on? I swear to God Merideth, if 
you are doing what I think you are doing I am going to--
