87 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
87 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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Message Incoming...
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Source Melchizedek.0294
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Exiting Sol
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Ascension 00h 25m 45.07036s
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Declination –77° 15′ 15.2860″
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Distance 0.01ly
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Equinox J2000.0 SOL
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Year 2183, QEC adjusted
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[Autotranslator enabled...]
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[Personal Log Entry]
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Jerome Somerset Pasani, Warrant Master
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:::
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Hey,
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I know you said not to write, but really, did you honestly believe
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that was an option? Look, I know where we left things and as we
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both know there's no going back now. I've literally ran away from
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us as much as is humanly possible.
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I'm sorry. I really am.
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I've treated you badly with all this back and forth. Will he, will
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they? And you deserve better. You deserve a commitment and someone
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who can be there, all the way there. I wanted to be that person.
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I tried, in my admittedly shitty way.
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None of it was fake. I know you worry about that sometimes. Was
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I doing something else behind your back? Is that why... well no.
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I wasn't. I'm a rotten enough person already, I don't want you
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thinking that.
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I love you. I can see your face right now and the eye rolling and
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the huff. I know it doesn't matter anymore, Sabrina. I know
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nothing I say can take back our time and give us another chance.
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There is no chance anymore. I'm strapped to the back of a rocket
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shooting to the stars, or close enough. This is a one way trip.
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What's the point? You asked me that last time I saw you and
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I tried to explain, but I screwed it all up. What's the point of
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us you meant, didn't you? What's the point of love between people
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if it can't be? What's the point of the time we had together when
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there's no tomorrow, only yesterdays. But damnit, there is
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a point. I'm not measuring it like some fucking Seriph with
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scales. It's not you vs the universe, even thought that's exactly
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what it looks like. I'm meant to do something. I feel it in here.
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I'm actually hitting my chest right now. You can't see that, but
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I think I did it too hard and now it's sore. Great. That's right
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where the harness sits too.
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Look, if I had known years ago when we first met that I needed to
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go off into space to throw my life away on some crazy mission to
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bring life to the galaxy would I have shut up and not talked to
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you? No. I love you, Sabrina. Just because I don't get to be with
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you forever doesn't change that. Just because we only had a few
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moments in time doesn't change love. Think of all those loving
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couples who lose their lives in trivial, stupid ways. Their love
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isn't less because of time. Time has its grips in all of us and
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all of our loves are snuffed out by it in the end. And that
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doesn't matter one bit.
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You're mad and I can't blame you. I won't try to stop that. If
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time is good for anything, that love killing beast, it's good for
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cooling off anger. One day you'll look back on our time and smile,
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like I'm trying to do right now. That's all I have now here.
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There's 44 of us on this box and a love-life isn't in the future
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cards. My love happened. I got to see it start to finish and
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I treasure it. I treasure every single stupid moment, even the
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ones where I was too dumb to see how amazing you were at the time.
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I will miss the cinemas and the walks and sleeping in on the
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weekends. I will certainly miss the long nights. It's all a gold
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mine of memories now and you will forever be my love.
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I won't send this now. You're angry, too angry. I don't want you
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to delete it before you read it. God that would hurt even to think
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it. I'll set this aside to send you soon, maybe in a dozen years.
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That'll be a blink or two for me in cryo, I think. The math never
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works out in my head.
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I'm sorry. I love you. Please don't forget me, but live your life.
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Be happy. We all want happiness for the people we love. You've had
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enough of the other parts, you deserve some happy.
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All my love, forever. Jerome.
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.
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