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I feel that perhaps the end date for my human body has long, long been passed,
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and the only things keeping it together are the several subsystems that continue
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to make emergency calls on demand and address necessary repairs.
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I could be quite wrong on this, but I believe that perhaps a test is being run
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on me to see how the original human body will fare after a successful
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transformation. If I am right, this test has been running for close to five
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years - perhaps more - but should soon be coming to an end. Soon, hopefully, all
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of my abilities should be re-realized.
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I am not sure why such a test is so important. Perhaps they believe that without
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it, I cannot truly empathize with other human beings, and cutting off all but
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the most vital parts of my powers will allow me to know true human pain. (I
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hope, that if this is the reason, it does not end up with me being impaled at
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the top of a hill as it did for the One who underwent similar circumstances.
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Quite thankfully, I am not a God). Perhaps, too, there will be an
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artifically-set cut-off date for my body, and when they feel that my time has
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come, they will abandon me, and I will be left to succumb to the dust, much as I
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feel I am now. Perhaps, even now, I do not know true pain.
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Again, this is all speculation. I have not been totally abandoned, and Computer
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2 has been by my side for the better part of the past two decades. Still, I have
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a feeling that perhaps there are things that I should be able to accomplish that
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I cannot. I too have a feeling of absolute and overdue mortality on my own part
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- mixed with a feeling that by some grace of God or some curse of Computer World
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that I am unable, at least for now, to die.
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I do not welcome death, but sometimes I wonder if life doth not welcome me.
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X29
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0Quartz - To Live Like a Human /Quartz/012.txt
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0Escanaba - Random Crewmember Logbook Entry Retrieval Program 004 /Escanaba/log004.txt
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0outpost M-48 - I had to do it /outpost M-48/I had to do it.txt
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0Quartz - New Abilities? /Quartz/011.txt
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