diff --git a/gopher/SNCF68B/06-Mannerheim.txt b/gopher/SNCF68B/06-Mannerheim.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c23ab1f --- /dev/null +++ b/gopher/SNCF68B/06-Mannerheim.txt @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ +I'm here! The flat is just mass, so big. I picked the score bed +which is twice the size of mum's and it shakes too. You clack the +wall and it shakes and shakes for minutes. Hah! Why even? It's +just French as damn. + +Without the girls everything is quiet-like so I can hear the +shakes and just lie in it till I skid out. + +Ick. Ezri just tried my pad, but she can sweat it. If she sides +with traitors she can just. + +Neverwise that guz. I'm fab ruggd Mannerheim ready and off to see +it all. There's a party house with old sportsballs the next pod +down and I can smell the tar-bones from here, sweet damn. My mouth +is gushing. Oh, that means I'm really hungry and the smell is +good. Once I'm stoked up tight I'm skidding up all the way. +{{Surface adventures for a lifetime}} they say. My tram isn't +ruggd for it, but the rents aren't much. 'Sidewise, the ruggd +trams don't come in red like my booboo. She's razzy. I call her +boo, but I'm still on about the name. One lun it'll come. + +The pad face has status glows above that look like brows. 'makes +the whole face look like a person-face! It's a total squee, +earnest. Mum didn't go in for the beat subs, so I just have what +I keep on my pad, but it's still great. I've got most everything +already and it's pretty much Aims M. and Olla or reps agains +anywise. They're score razzy bodies. I've got their book on my pad +too. Olla is a poet and the musicwriter. Aims M. helps wee bits on +bit, but mostly she's beats and vocsounds. Love her still. + +Last year at Sundavell Aims M. and Olla played beats with the orig +classy Radish Slaw (cept the drummer who passed in that tram +crash). Aims M. did runs and ate that up so vibe. I have it on my +pad and just put it up. Total wicks guz that, but it's all I got. +I didn't skid but I wish hard it was truth. The show didn't save +past live, so it's ephemerial. You know? + +Ezri's da sent her and her bro (who doesn't even get deep into +them). Her da is flush so they do whatever. I told her she should +drag me out, but her da had none of it. Ezri said they hit some +classy tracks which they never, ever do cause Olla says {{the old +you is dead each day}} which is damn truth. Worst is Erzi didn't +know which cause she's shit and not deep into them like your Emmi +here. I just suss they played the Canticles suite! I can feel it +bonewise. Tragic as damn. diff --git a/gopher/Trobairitz/parting-the-veil.txt b/gopher/Trobairitz/parting-the-veil.txt index 0cb5b52..1226d40 100644 --- a/gopher/Trobairitz/parting-the-veil.txt +++ b/gopher/Trobairitz/parting-the-veil.txt @@ -16,6 +16,8 @@ leaving that industrious city behind for respite in the picturesque town of Ausix. More importantly, she was going to see and old friend. + # + The late morning air was warm despite the spray of salt water. The ferry inched along toward the harbor against a determined wind, forcing her to squint at the wooden homes peeking through the @@ -351,6 +353,13 @@ were best friends as children, but what if their lives were too different now? She pushed it away and watched the Ausentia mountains creep closer bit by bit. +Edit: check for pacing, beats, and reference the coke in decisions +to try the gambling. Make sure this still has the right feel for +Ausix. Was fear the right reaction when she got in over her head? +Did she go far enough to realize that it was her own doing and +bullheadedness not letting her give up? + + # Sinda hesitated at the door and took a deep breath. It's just Borzin. Things can't be that different. @@ -359,9 +368,12 @@ Borzin. Things can't be that different. - Event: Sinda finds Borzin in the cottage and friendship is rekindled. -- Function: Introduces Borzin and his "cheater" mentality. - Establishes the long friendship is still strong. -- Beginning: Finds Borzin already at the cottage. +- Function: Introduces Borzin and shows him as tethered to modern + life, popularity, and importance. Despite this, establish that + he is still her friend and wants this adventure to work. +- Beginning: Finds Borzin already at the cottage, talking on the + phone with his office, which is still reaching out for his help + despite the vacation. He's distracted and anxious and brusque. - Middle: - End: Talking late into the night. - Pulse: A nervous anticipation. Will they still be friends? @@ -439,7 +451,6 @@ dimensionality shifts. Have fun with it. *** - *** - Event: