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James Tomasino
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[ speech-to-text enabled, QEC unit ready ]
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[music]
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LIKE A DUECE
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roller in the night,
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BLINDED BY
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she said I'll turn you on sonny to something strong
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she got down but she never got [unintelligible]
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she's going to make it ... through the night
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[music]
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Awwww, yeah... that's right everyone we're definitely gonna make it
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through the night aren't we? Isn't that just the sweetest thing
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you've ever heard, Mindy?
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Yes, sir.
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GREETINGS STARDUST RIDERS! DJ BiggiePants comin' at you QEC style
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from Touchdown Point on the planet Backhoe, way out here in the
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Triangulum Galaxy. How y'all doing out there in the Big Empty?
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Last time, the intergalactic news was sparse, but you rascals are
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definitely up to stuff now, so let's get to it!
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[music]
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Wow. Mindy, you composed an Intergalactic News Jingle?
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Yes, sir.
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It's very good. It sounds both serious and urgent.
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Thank you, sir.
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Alright: Intergalactic News!
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[music]
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Wait wait wait we don't need to play it again, m'kay?
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Yes, sir.
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Ahem. After a discomforting hyperspace journey, Captain Atticus and
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the crew of the Lavaleer have discovered a new Earth! Ain't that
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something? Captain, I congratulate you. Backhoe isn't a backyard
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picnic, if you know what I mean. You won the lottery, and good on
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you. Chief Scientist Nyugen personally wishes you the best of luck
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at your new home. You've earned it.
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The ship telitru sent a mysterious transmission reading, quote, "i
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mi na djuno i steba" and further explained "selzgaka'erfau ku sutra
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kaicne." And I have to say, back at ya, buddy! Hope it works out
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for you.
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Ron, a reanimated Israeli from twenty-first century Earth -- can
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you believe it? -- gave an interview at out-world-colony277
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explaining, among more important things, how he misses his King,
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who used to hand out burgers to the people. "Burgers," according
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to Mindy's research, were a delicacy made of ground animal meat,
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grilled and placed between toasted hemispherical bread called
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"buns." That sounds delicious, doesn't it Mindy?
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Yes, sir.
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Back in Local News,
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[music]
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Holy stars you made another jingle?
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Yes, sir.
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You're very talented.
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Thank you, sir.
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I mean, what the heck are you doing here out in the middle of
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nowhere assisting a hyperactive DJ?
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Wish I knew, sir.
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Okay, Local News. The "Touchdown Incident." Chief Scientist Nyugen
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hypothesized that the plasma snakes who attacked us at Touchdown
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Point were a natural electromagnetic effect caused by swirling ion
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particles in the dust storm.
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However, further research established that the plasma snakes were
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PLASMA SNAKES who ATTACKED us. Turns out, Stardust Riders, we're
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not settlers on this planet. We're immigrants.
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Apparently the snakes were trying to, ahem, "kill" us so to speak,
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by brewing up a hurricane.
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Naturally, we're on shaky terms with them. Doctor Nyugen encircled
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the camp in an electric field disruptor, so the snakes are being
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kept at bay for the moment, until the Yangs figure out a way to
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communicate with them.
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On a personal note. Mindy did some heroic things on touchdown day.
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She saved my bacon. Yes, she got a little roughed up in the fight,
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but I think the scar is completely unnoticeable. In fact, it makes
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her more attractive. Thank you Mindy.
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You're welcome, sir.
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In lighter news, little Stephen planted the first seed in the camp!
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It's a pomegranate tree, so it will take a while, and that little
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[unintelligible] didn't have the focus to put it in the hole
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properly, so who knows, right? ... But! Things are looking great
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Stardust Riders! If we can make it out here, YOU can make it out
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THERE, and don't you give up, right Mindy?
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Yes, sir.
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Until next time, here's another great classical piece. Mister DJ
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BiggiePants signing off, but first I’m gonna “do my hair toss,” and
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”check my nails,” because gosh darnit, everyone on Backhoe is
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feeling Good As Hell!
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[music] Baby how you feeling Feelin' Good As Hell [music]
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Woo child [music] some new sh--
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Captain, we have contact. Captain... Captain!
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Oh my GOD Dennis, I'm on the air, it's "DJ BiggiePants."
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Um... Mister Dee. Mister Biggie... I'm sorry, but I'm not saying
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that, sir. We made contact with the "snakes." You need to come
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right now, they're getting a bit... animated.
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[music] Boss up and change your life
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Mindy, I hate to ask but the music's running and --
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Yes, sir.
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Thanks, you're a dream.
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[music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell!
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Huh, a ten-meter sphere of glowing tentacles. Is it safe, Dennis?
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Probably not, sir.
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Ha! Alrighty then! Let's get er done!
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[music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell!
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[music]
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@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
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0DJ BiggiePants - How Ya Feelin? /DJ BiggiePants/how-ya-feelin.txt
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0telitru - notci xi ze /telitru/007.txt
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0laveer - Q2-D59-Y23 /laveer/Q2-D59-Y23.txt
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0 - Q2-D59-Y23.log /DSC-666/log.txt
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