198 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
198 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
From: Chris Maldonado <cmaldonado@voortrekker.com>
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To: Sameen Lee <sameen.lee@recoveryinstitute.org>
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Delivered-To: Sameen Lee <sameen.lee@recoveryinstitute.org>
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Received: from relay3.qec5.rs001.l4.earthsys.gov
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by mta1.recoveryinstitute.org
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with ESMTPS id a9goqf93983g45uuyp
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for <sam@recoveryinstitute.org>
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Received: from relay8.qec2.ganymede.earthsys.gov
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by relay3.qec5.rs001.l4.earthsys.gov
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Received: from qec6.helio.earthsys.gov
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by relay8.qec2.ganymede.earthsys.gov
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Received: from qec.sv14417
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by qec6.helio.earthsys.gov
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Date-Local: 2 Apr 2419 13:04:55 +0000
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Date: 16 Sep 2421 11:40:55 +0000
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Subject: Wish you were here! It's a beautiful day
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Content-Type: text/plain; charset="utf8"
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I got your message, Sam! Thank you so much, it's so good to hear
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from you! And when you talk to her next, please let Lia know that I
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love her too and I miss her, and I'd love to hear from her when she
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gets the chance to write. Speaking of which, I'm sorry it's taken
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so long for me to write back! It's been busy here, too.
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I'm finally out of Main Control! Once I found out everyone else is
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still alive, I started getting antsy - before, I'd felt safe and
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hidden there, but afterward I wanted to be out with everyone and
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back to work. So I started practicing my walking, and with Jen to
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help me when she came to visit, I got pretty good at it! More than
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that, too. But let me tell it in order.
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Antsy to get out or no, I spent another week there after my last
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message, and Jen came to visit every day. At first she helped me
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figure out how to get around on my new legs, like I talked about
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before. But by Wednesday or so, I wasn't worried about falling down
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any more, and then it was mostly about discovering new things. I'm
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really good at climbing now! I don't have suckers or anything, so
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it's not like I can stick to walls, but I practiced for a while in
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the ductwork around Master Control, and it turns out that as long
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as there's two surfaces no more than four feet or so apart, I can
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chimney-climb them really well. Ooh, and Jen was really mad at me
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when I told her about that on Thursday! What if I'd hurt myself,
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she said, and I guess she wasn't really wrong, but I had to try it,
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didn't I? She got me to promise I at least wouldn't do stuff like
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that when she wasn't around, at least until I got out of here and
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back with everyone else.
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She doesn't really talk about it much, but she's so obviously a
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mom - it's nice to know there's someone worrying about me, even if
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she is a little smothering about it at times. Reminds me a little
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bit of you, Sam. ('Smothering?' I can hear you asking. Okay, fair,
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I wouldn't use that word.) (To your face, anyway.) She even stayed
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up all Thursday night getting hand units working inside the ship
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again, just so she could bring me one on Friday! And an armband for
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it, too. She said it was so that when I got myself hurt breaking my
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promise not to be foolish, I could at least call for help. I hate
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armbands, but after all the trouble she'd gone to, I really
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couldn't not wear it. And I'm wearing the miserable thing right
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now!
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I'm a little worried for Jen. We did talk some, and it sounds like
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she's really scared for her family back on Earth. I don't blame
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her - our contracts are pretty generous, but the terms for
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nonperformance are brutal, and I think she's scared they're going
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to stop the payments, with the crash and everything. Almost
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everyone on the ship has dependents on their contracts, too, so it
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can't just be her...I can't imagine what it'd be like to have to
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leave kids behind for so long, and now to worry about something
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like that happening? I don't think she feels good about trying to
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talk to the Director about it, and he was always pretty standoffish
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and cold back on the ship. But if I get the chance, I might say
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something to him about people needing reassurance. See if that
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"open hatch policy" of his is worth anything.
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Anyway, after that we decided there was no reason why I couldn't
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get out of Main Control safely. I wanted to go right then, but Jen
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made me wait until Saturday - one more night wouldn't hurt me, she
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said, and no matter how confident I was, it was still a long way
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downship and out, and she wasn't going to have me wearing out
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halfway there. She was right again, but I really didn't want to
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spend another night alone. Ever since I got steady on my new feet,
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I'd sort of started to feel the bulkheads closing in around me a
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little, especially with the noises the ship makes as parts of it
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settle. And with it being nighttime out and no light coming in
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through the ports, just some console lights and a couple of tubes,
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I really was starting to get scared. I didn't want to tell Jen, but
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maybe she guessed, because she spent the night with me. I felt a
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little awkward since we never did figure out how to make clothes
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work with my new legs, and I wasn't sure how that was going to
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be. If she'd be comfortable, between that and -
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I'm sure you've already guessed, but you did say you wanted me to
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tell you. So this is me, telling you: the surgery you tried to set
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up for me, before we found out I couldn't immigrate? I still wish I
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could have got it then but turns out I don't need it any more
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because when I came out of the coma I found out I'M A GIRL NOW!
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Don't ask me how that happened, because I really have no idea - not
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yet, anyway. We're still trying to get a bio lab up, but as soon as
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we get a reagent synthesizer going, I'm going to be in there
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finding out if I still have a Y chromosome! I don't even know which
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I'd be more excited about, finding it or not finding it. If it's
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still there, that raises even more questions about how this bug,
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whatever it is, made such targeted and effective changes to my
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phenotype, and - I don't want to assume that "why?" is even a
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question that makes sense here, but it's getting harder and harder
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to avoid. And if I find I've still got two X chromosomes, but no Y,
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then - well, in that case, I need to talk to Eve and a couple of
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other people just to figure out how my endocrine system hasn't
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fallen apart completely. But I'm not even really thinking about
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that right now because OH MY GOD SAMEEN I'M ACTUALLY A GIRL NOW!
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When they denied my immigration application, I thought that was my
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last chance - that I was just going to have a male body forever,
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and I'd better start getting used to that. And I was - I wasn't
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okay with it, you know that, not really. But I'd gotten to where it
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didn't make me wince to look at myself in a mirror, and it helped a
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lot that no one aboard the ship got upset with me for looking more
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like I thought I should. Some of the men even really liked that!
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Which I will admit felt strange, but mostly they were very sweet
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about it, and they really did help. (Corwin's going to be really
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disappointed to see me now, poor guy!) After all that, though, to
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just - to just wake up one day and find that I don't have to dream
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about being what I am any more...
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(If I was writing this on paper, it'd be tear-stained right here.)
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When I joined Voortrekker, I felt like I was running away. From
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Earth, from you and Lia, from everything...I didn't want to, I just
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felt like I had to. It wasn't until we got here that I found out I
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wasn't running away from my past, I was running toward my future.
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Does that sound silly? I'm afraid I'm not explaining it very
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well. I hope I'll get a chance to try again, in person! But Jen was
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really happy for me, and didn't mind at all that I kept crying all
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over her. She really is a sweetheart! I'm sure you'd like her. And
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later that night, she did tell me that an extra pair of legs makes
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for really good cuddling, especially when they're so bendy. Even
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with just a foam pad and a foil blanket, we both slept really well.
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And that was Friday. Today's been all about getting out of the
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ship, and I'm really glad Jen insisted I get a night's sleep before
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we tried it. It's been exhausting! The first few decks weren't so
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bad; it was only once we started getting downship that we ran into
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real damage, and even though Jen knew a mostly clear route, we had
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an incredible amount of work getting through it. I'm sure I still
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don't have all my strength back, but even so, for Jen to have done
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that twice a day just to come see me...
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(OK, back. No surprise, I was crying again.)
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Of course, I suppose it might've been easier if I hadn't treated so
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much of the debris as a jungle gym. I wanted to find out what I can
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do! And it's not just climbing that comes so easily now. It turns
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out my new legs are prehensile! Ross's gravity is a little heavier
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than Earth's, but it was like - you remember that time you took me
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to the aerobatics dome in Reiner Under, and that demonstration team
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tried to recruit me? It felt just like that, like tumbling and
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flying at the same time. I never thought I'd get the chance to do
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that again! Even Jen seemed to enjoy watching me, much as I'm sure
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it made her worry. And I won't do it again, because it really was
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dangerous, but...I really wish I could. Or that Ross had trees, or
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something. Anyway, we went through I don't know how many decks like
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that, and then we couldn't get any further - everything forward
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below Deck 9 was crushed pretty flat when we hit, and we can only
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get into the aft sections from outside, so we had to go out on the
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hull from there.
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That's where we are right now, taking a break to get our wind back
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before we abseil down. It feels really good to be out in the air
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again after all that time inside! I never noticed it before, but
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Ross's air has just a slight scent to it. Sort of salty, like at a
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beach, but not quite, sharper somehow. I don't know what to call
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it, but I like it. And the sun's out, and it's wonderfully warm,
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with just enough of a breeze - I couldn't have picked a nicer day
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to come out again. I don't even mind that I'm naked, and you know
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how touchy I've always been about that! I don't know if it's the
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changes, or just that everything is different here, or both, but I
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feel really wonderful - the only thing that makes it less than
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perfect is that you and Lia aren't here.
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Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up for now, because we've been lying
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around on the outer hull plating long enough, and I'm anxious to
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get down to the ground and see everyone! I don't know when I'll
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find time to write again, so I'll go ahead and send this now, and
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follow it up with more when I get the chance.
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I'd like to hear more from you, too, when you have the chance! And
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when you talk with Lia next, let her know I love her and I miss
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her, and that I'd like to hear from her, too.
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Yours with love as always - Kit.
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(p.s. Ooh, that's a long way down. Jen's just made what I think is
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one of her ancient jokes, something about breaking a leg? I'm not
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even sure I can do that any more! But I might be about to find
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out... - K.)
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