73 lines
4.6 KiB
HTML
73 lines
4.6 KiB
HTML
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<title>gome — dry spell</title>
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<a href='..'>back to gomepage</a>—<a href='.'>journal</a>
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<article>
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<h1 id='title'>Musical dry spell</h1>
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<time datetime='Wed, 15 Feb 2023 23:00:00 CST'>15 Feb 2023, 11:00 PM</time>
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<p>
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I went to college for music composition.
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When I first started college, I was studying computer science.
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Two years in, I was spending far more time writing, arranging, and performing music than I was on programming,
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so I decided it made sense to switch.
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My time in college was probably my most prolific so far.
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I dedicated time almost every day to composing choral music and <a href='a-cappella' target='_blank'>arranging for my a cappella group</a>.
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</p><p>
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After graduating, I wanted to continue being a composer, but I didn’t see a straightforward path to doing that full-time that appealed to me.
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So I went back to school for a computer science degree, knowing I could make money with it & hopefully keep composing.
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That went well & all, but unfortunately I don’t compose nearly as much as I used to.
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I still do write maybe a piece or two a year, but I spend much less time doing it, and I feel very much out of practice on the whole process.
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</p>
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<figure>
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<img src='img/desert.webp' width='500' height='375' />
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<figcaption>Photo credit: <a href='https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:IceBirdWithFledgling.jpg' target='_blank'>Mostafa Meraji</a></figcaption>
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</figure>
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<p>
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I don’t think the problem is having less time to spend on composing.
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When I was in school, I was more busy than I am now outside of work, but I still made time to compose.
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Nowadays, when I do write, I find it very difficult to truly get into the necessary creative mindset, and I bounce off of the work easily.
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</p><p>
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Inspiration’s always elusive, but in order to get any inspiration, you need to dedicate a certain portion of your subconscious mind to working on the music all the time in the background.
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It seems like I can rarely do that anymore.
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The work just doesn’t hook me in like it used to.
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</p><p>
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Around the time I started college again, I got started on a piece I had wanted to write for a really long time.
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It had taken me a few false starts to get some material I was really happy with, and the text is special to me, so I wanted to make something exceptional.
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It’s been 4 years since then, and I still haven’t finished the piece, despite repeated efforts to complete it.
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That’s by far the longest I’ve ever taken to finish a piece.
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</p><p>
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Sometimes I tell myself if I could finish this piece, I’d be able to open up the floodgates and get back into writing music.
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I sometimes tell myself that the perfectionism I’m bringing to this one is what’s really holding me back.
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I tell myself a lot of things, but the piece is still unfinished.
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</p><p>
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I’ve thought a lot about my dry spell, because in the long-term I’m still serious about music being a major part of my life’s work.
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I don’t think I have a simple and satisfying answer to why I write less than I used to.
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My life in general is pretty good right now, so maybe it’s alright for me to be relatively less prolific for the time being.
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All I know is that this is a bridge I must cross eventually if I don’t want to wind up regretting things later on.
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</p><p>
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Do you struggle with creative output?
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How do you get around writer’s block?
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Have you ever had difficulty finishing a piece or project over a long period of time?
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Let me know your thoughts at my Ctrl-C email: <code>gome<span style='user-select: none;'> ​</span>@<span style='user-select: none;'> ​</span>ctrl-c.club</code>.
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</p>
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</article>
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